The Liechtenstein Manifesto

I'm going to be honest with you, dear reader. This is an unabashed, unashamed, entirely cheeky, rather forthright plug. A recruitment drive, if you will. You see, I've had it up to here *points to forehead* with being an army of one. We've entered an age of multi-culturalism, pluralism – the destruction of the nation-state and of increasing globalisation. So in a sense, what I'm about to propose to you is really just good old progressive thinking in line with all that. What I'm saying involves what some might regard a bit of a de-sacralisation of a way of life. But I'm willing to offend strong feelings for this cause. So here goes:

 I want you to renounce your patriotism to England.

Specifically, I want you – and I recognise this may cause you to close down this tab – to renounce your support of the Three Lions, the English national football team.  Take a deep breath.  I think I can provide a sustainable alternative, a realistic international footballing reality. I'm not talking about video games, this is very real. I'm not even being one of those knobby people who supports Germany/Spain/Real Madrid/”Barca” because they play “great tika-taka, rah” and "Xavi is just amaze". If that is hipster-ish and annoying, my proposal is original, if somewhat masochistic.

I want you to join me, in my army of one. I want you to become an English-speaking supporter of the Liechtenstein national football team. I've come to something of a Socratic revelation. It was ponderous, treacherous and disheartening at times. I've realised that Robert Frost was referring analogously  to his support of the ‘Stein in his poem “The Road Not Taken”. It says of the two roads (England and Liechtenstein):

“I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

A genuine Liechtenstein away following: in its entirety. 

It has made all of the difference. You see, as an England supporter, I would have to watch us beat (to take a recent example) Estonia 1-0, with a late Rooney free-kick. I’d hate the game. It was boring - England had many chances, though they struggled with a spirited Estonian showing. England snuck past them, underachieving, somewhat desperate, and perhaps worst of all: dispassionate. 

Here’s where the Frost quote comes in.

On Saturday evening, I watched Liechtenstein win 1-0 against Moldova. Now, this game primarily consisted of no real chances, dangerous chances at any rate, for either team. The game was settled by a (genuinely) wonderful free-kick, scored by one of Liechtenstein’s greatest players, and the Stein’s second top goal-scorer, former Darlington midfielder, Franz Burgmeier. Liechtenstein barely had a shot on target. They had 29% of the possession. Yet they gave an impassioned, fighting, characteristic performance. Not only that – I loved it! I've watched most of the games since 2013, and it is the first competitive away win I've seen the tiny Alpine nation record – it was the first away victory in their European Championships Qualification history. To have followed their journey in development, in their increasing organisation – to this seemingly minuscule pinnacle – was undoubtedly more entertaining, more intimate, and more exciting than watching the bores at Wembley, feeling rubbish.

That’s the beauty of supporting Liechtenstein – you expect them to be properly crap, not just England, slipping-past-Andorra-with-a-team-of-Premier-League-players “crap”. When Liechtenstein over achieve in the slightest, it’s monumental. The England team don’t overachieve, so it’s irrelevant. With Liechtenstein, I can guarantee you a surprising positive result at least once a year, especially under current form. I can’t even remember the last time England did better than expected. Beating Germany 5-1 in 2001?

I suppose that underlines my point – Liechtenstein aren't even like San Marino. They actually do the odd interesting thing relatively frequently; they’re beyond mere whipping boys. It’s amazing how fun watching a team defend for their lives against Sweden can be (2-0 to the Swedes). Even the individual flashes of brilliance are there - and are ten times more enjoyable than a Raheem Sterling run, assuming he’s not too tired, even for that. I experience pure surges of joy at the moment – for the most recent addition to the squad, Dennis Salanovic. He’s the first Liechtenstein player in recent history to have the balls to actually run at defenders (he won the free kick against Moldova). He is a joy for the five touches he gets, playing alone up-front every game – and he plays for Atletico Madrid B at club level. This is the like that ‘Stein have not seen for years – in the prime of Mario Frick, the principality’s greatest ever player, without question.

Liechtenstein's Wembley: Nicer, and not in London.

Finally, I think the case from a viewing perspective is perhaps the strongest. Can you imagine watching games on pixelated, buffering  internet streams with Lithuanian commentary? It does sound terrible, I accept, but you do get used to it. Crucially, I’ll let you into a secret – Adrian Chiles does not present the television coverage of the Liechtenstein national team and Andy Townsend has never once uttered the words “Well Clive, I just don’t think Liechtenstein can match Germany in terms of individual talents”. Case closed.

I guarantee you players who are obscure, defenders who are foolhardy, fans who don't chant, dreams that are small, and (occasionally) fulfilled. Plus you can always support England in the major competitions, if you still want the depressing feeling I've been describing.  Liechtenstein guarantee they won’t go past the qualification stage – it is company policy.

And one  final thing - we Stein fans haven’t had to endure a 48 year wait since the last time we won a World Cup. Welcome to the smallest footballing family.

Why sacking Mick Newell is the worse thing Notts can do

"Newell,Patel,Reid, (sic) Adams and Fletcher to go. I would sign Compton as an opener out if (sic) contract now and Fleming good shout"

Just one tweet of the many terrible tweets of a select few Nottinghamshire fans on the 'Twittersphere'. A cross section of the general feeling of far too many supporters on blogs, forums, Facebook and at Trent Bridge (overheard). All of them, without exception, are hideously wrong. This is not football - cricket is an entirely different ball game - in more ways than the obvious.

Let me deal with everything that is wrong with this tweet, and in particular, with the idea that the management, Newell in particular, are at fault.

Patel - last played for England in February. On the basis of runs this season/average then Hales should also be on the list to go also - clearly the management would have to be idiotic to remove either. In Championship matches Patel averages 34. In 40 overs he averages 45, and has the second best average in the team. I can send a personal note to the tweeter in question if he wants more reasons (only joking, I'll ignore you for needing more).

Reid - being a fat midfielder (Andy) who plays for Forest (sorry), I can only agree. If you meant the best wicketkeeper, (second or third at a push) in the country, I can't disagree more.  That's the same Read who, whilst his batting is under-par at the moment, has taken the third most catches in Division One, and in a side that has been bowling poorly, according to you. In the YB40 he averages 31 - still not bad as a supporting batsman. Apart from that, he is the captain, and he's also won the Championship as, erm, captain - only one other captain in Division One can make that claim.

Adams - may well retire anyway, but on the assumption he doesn't, is still very useful when he plays. Disregarding bowlers in the England setup, and considering he hasn't really had time to pick up momentum, he has still got the 20th best average in Division One. With more luck injury-wise next season, that could well go up again. Just last year, lest we forget, he took 54 wickets and had the best average in the league. Read that line again if you struggle with it.

Not worth letting go...

Fletcher - one of the best bowlers at the club, still at the ripe age of 24, that's two years younger than Harry Gurney, who you say is good to stay, he has taken 30 wickets this season, at an average of 31 - that includes a 5-fer against a side who are top of the league. Another two years and he'll be the same age as Gurney, who has the same average, and I have no doubt will be one of the best in the league.



Compton has signed a new contract with Somerset, and I really don't see the point anyway of signing a player who no doubt if he bats well, will be playing for England anyway most of the time, rather than for Notts. As for Fleming, I'm sure he'd be an excellent coach, but he has never coached anything longer than T20 format, and as I will now point out, Newell has no need to be replaced anyhow.

I should say first, of the general consensus in the "Newell Out" camp, disregarding the tweet above, regard a lack of wins with a good budget (and good players), a lack of homegrown youth in the team and a lack of 'bottle' as the main problems.

Newell: will not lose his eye for the game

I am not in denial, this season has not been great. But, even if we assume that we do get relegated (I don't think we will), we have still got to the T20 quarter final and Newell has got us into our first one-day trophy semi-final since 2001, which we haven't even lost yet, so, for a bad season, it's hardly disastrous. That's assuming a worst case scenario.Looking at the history of sacked coaches, it's not great either - if they've had success previously, it's best to keep them in place. I saw Chris Adams name bandied around as a replacement for Newell - his sacking has brought about no joy for Surrey thus far - they won no Championship games under Adams and have won no Championship games without Adams. So, evidence from reactionary sacking (Adams also won trophies at Surrey) - similar indifference and not too much improvement.


Newell's personal history as a coach with Notts also suggests that ups and downs are elementary, and that they make little or no difference to the actual eventual performance of the side - won the Championship in 2005, relegated in 2006, won in 2010. It's not like Newell doesn't have previous with success. In terms of a lack of homegrown players, slowly, slowly, Newell is integrating and beginning to bring in youth - rather than rush them in, and by the time they are ready, they will be highly competent - see Jake Ball as an example of this type of youth integration and the positive effects it has.

If we had not kept faith in Mick Newell, a Nottinghamshire-bred (born in Lancashire) man in 2006, we would never have won a second championship. Nor would we have a coach who knows the club inside out, knows his players, having worked with them for years - a man, the only current coach, who can claim to have won a trophy with a Nottinghamshire side. He is the third most decorated coach in all of the 18 counties. To lose his leadership would be disastrous, his experience goes before him, and I have no doubt that he will win a trophy - if not this year (and we are still in the YB40 semi-final) then next. Newell does not let sleeping teams lie.  

The bits you didn't see (or maybe did) - FLT20 Finals Day

*WARNING* IF YOU SYMPATHISE WITH JADE DERNBACH YOU MAY FIND THIS ARTICLE OFFENSIVE

On Saturday, whilst the Barclay's Premier League was just beginning - see my alternative round up here - English county cricket's most popular competition was finishing in the most loud music sounding, cheerleader jiggling, awful bowler bashing, style. Yes, that most heretical of spectres for the cricketing purist - 'Friends Provident' Twenty20 Finals Day, was here. Whilst I could eulogise about David Willey's brilliance, unless you've been living on another planet, or on the 'Jade Dernbach Fans' twitter page, you'll know every detail of every run/catch/wicket/run out that he was involved in. So instead, here's a kind of random collection of bits that I think are worth knowing, and that you probably won't have seen before.

Too much: tattoos and ego.

I thought the best moment of the whole day was David Willey (wait for it) being told by Charlie Dagnall that he had ruined Jade Dernbach's figures (4-0-55-0) and replying with - "Good. I don't like the bloke, so it's good to spoil his figures". Sadly I can't find the audio, but surely, a brilliant line. I should say at this point - I can't help but love this - not only does Dernbach play for Surrey, the moneybags of our humble cricketing nation (though as a Notts man I can't boast), he also has an awful attitude. Apparently he'd been sledging Willey even before any of the smashing had begun. I need not comment on his selection in England's T20 side, it really is a joke - the consistent selection of Surrey/Warwickshire players inexplicably without any real justification is becoming a bit silly. Obscura even hears that certain other Surrey players reckon Stuart Meaker is a better bowler even at the club alone, and they are the closest to judge...

Another brilliant moment, rather than on the radio, but for the eagle-eyed twitter follower, Niall O'Brien tweeting about his brother's exclusion from the Surrey side in place of Glenn Maxwell - not a hint of bitter about it. But he does have a point, I have no doubt that big Kev would've scored a big total, he is after all, pretty much dedicated to T20 short of the odd match for Ireland and Leinster. Also, in saying "best Stewie wished he'd have Kevin back" -  I did enjoy Alec Stewart's look of bitter disappointment as poor old Division Two Northants, having not won something major since 1992, tashed his big money men around. He really shouldn't come across as so obviously 'ECB establishment'.

On a personal level, I was caught out by the damned sponsorship names/acronyms, again. Having tweeted all night with the hashtag "FLPT20", it was only until it was pointed out to me by a friend that 'Friends Provident Life' was just 'Friends Provident' - leading to nostalgia about the good old days when we called it "Sunday League" and even just "Twenty20 Cup". Mad to think, I know. I even struggle to write "Premier League" without the prefix "Barclays", so I suppose they've got what they wanted. I'm convinced that one day I'll accidentally call the "ClydesdaleBank40" the "Benson and Hedges" and be shot for advertising cigarettes inadvertently.

Overall though, whilst I try and be as mardily anti-corporate and purist as possible, I'm afraid, seeing so many people being enthused by county cricket on social media, even though it's not the Championship (Liverpool Victoria Insurance), I can't help but feel that the balance might be right. The big step is trying to translate that zeal into the longer formats in the next ten years, and ultimately, turning the best people into Test cricketers. In that respect, I worry for Indian cricket - their balance is certainly not right. Will they care? Not if the money's there.


Editor's note - I'm told by the aforementioned friend, it is 'FLt20'. So maybe I was right, and wrong, and also right, and then wrong again. I wouldn't let them have the joy of checking their site.